Meditation: Wrestling a 'Goer' Into Stillness, the What, Why & How

I was obsessive, like a dog with a bone. My already exhausted brain relentlessly pushing, picking at ideas, at solutions. I turned within, to no avail. I looked to outside therapies and was overwhelmed. How to relieve the tension, the stress, the consuming feeling that I was going to burst, headed for a breakdown. I was willing to try most anything, but the overwhelm of options left me stationary, unable to begin to choose what remedy may deliver relief.

There are so many voices in the wellness world. Not all of them reliable with the client’s best interest in mind. I felt like I was flailing, falling down a never-ending hole, grasping at the occasional unruly root, protruding from the walls of soil. The roots providing a fleeting respite before they gave way, sending me tumbling further down towards the darkness. The roots were short-lived remedies, a promised reprieve from the crushing stress, ear pulsing, and lack of sleep found in Benadryl, Xanax, muscle relaxers, or a certain wellness leader claiming this exercise or eating plan would push my body into a recuperative state.

Later, I'm poking around on Instagram (yes, it can be used for good), and in slides a meditation promotion. Meditation hadn’t ever crossed my mind- remember, I’m a Type A, goal oriented, always going type of gal. I was busy running on caffeine and adrenaline and nobody was going to tell me to park it in a chair and chant some ridiculous mantra. I was too busy and frankly, wasn’t about to surrender control to a quirky exercise hyped up by people who clearly had nothing better to do. After my initial refusal, certain it wasn’t for me, my brain kept circling back, reminding me that my stress levels were sky high and my sleep levels, well, had never been worse. What would it hurt to check out meditation?

We discussed stress in the last post. Stress that lays thickly on our backs, our shoulders, gumming up our days and our minds as we navigate this fast-paced world. As Emily Fletcher says, “stress makes you stupid”. The neural science research agrees with her. Think of how you react in stressful situations. Instead of rationally reasoning through it, you go into fight-flight-or freeze (FFF) (or in my case, find a way to live there, which is a whole other issue), literally stripping you of the ability to make decisions in character, with that brain that you’ve worked so hard to mold. Instead, your limbic system (think your brain’s survival system, in charge of FFF) prepares your body for an urgent threat and sends resources to your extremities to fight that scary bear or tiger hunting you. But wait, we aren’t generally going about our modern world, being hunted by bears and tigers. Instead, we can go into this mode anytime we perceive a threat- a bad driver on the road swerving too close to our lane, a cell phone going off when we’re in deep concentration, etc. These moments stress our systems and cause a reaction that precludes us from thinking clearly.

So there I am, stress blanketing me, sleep taunting me with it’s ability to restore my vitality, feeling overwhelmed and pretty skeptical that this ancient exercise can lend me much help, but all and all feeling humbled enough by my situation that I was willing to try anything. I dove into the course, interested but guarded, probably not unlike how you’re feeling now- I hear you thinking, what is this crazy lady talking about? The course taught that mediation is like taking your brain to the gym, that happiness is an inside job and meditation is a tool to achieve that.

As I moved through the lessons, I found myself anxiously completing my homework, eagerly awaiting the next day’s session. The information spoke to me, breaking through my cynicism, breathing life into an overscheduled, run down body. The course repeatedly drove home that everyone is too busy to meditate until they learn how to meditate. That the meditation practice would increase my peace and my efficiency. It did just that. It carved out room to breath, to heal.

I so appreciated that this form of meditation didn’t require gongs, fancy music, the exact right setting, or even silence. Instead, it was about allowing thoughts to come up, pass through your mind, recognizing and hearing noises- letting your body’s natural inclination to keep you safe do it’s job, rather than fighting for silence. All that is required is a willing mind and a safe place to sit.

Meditation was the conduit for years of stress to escape my body. It replenished my mind, reviving my body, lessening my sleepless body’s demand on caffeine. I found I was less reactive in situations, even when I was pushed, instead, armed with a soothed inner core that released me from the need to retaliate in high pressure situations. All of these benefits were realized without my having to be a perfect meditator, without it even eating up much of my all ready limited time.

Now for the ‘how’: to be honest, it takes quite a bit of practice to feel really comfortable closing your eyes and letting yourself blissfully succumb to meditative peace, but everyone starts somewhere, so why not you? Why not now?  Don’t be discouraged, the benefits of meditation can be realized as soon as you first practice. Your first time closing your eyes, sitting quietly, letting your mind throw thoughts at you as you attempt to relinquish them, may be your first experience. I started with five minutes, expanded to 10, and can now find myself enjoying 15 minutes or more at a time. I keep a note pad by my side as I meditate, so as my brain relentlessly tries to interrupt my moment of calm, I can jot down that seemingly urgent thought and return to my practice. It may help you to start your practice with a few box breaths – in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, out for four seconds, hold for four seconds- thus accessing your parasympathetic nervous system which allows for rest and digest. Mediation and mindfulness are two different exercises, but the mindfulness gained by the box breathing can lead you into a state of tranquility allowing your body to better relax into the meditative state. You may find a mantra helpful. Mantras are individual and can provide an anchor for your wandering mind. Ultimately, you can make the practice your own, affording yourself grace as you learn to employ this ancient art.

In the years since starting meditation, I unfortunately, did still find the bottom of that black hole I mentioned. I still fell to the depths, roots not sparing me the impact. However, I was better equipped to deal with the consequence of finding those lowest of points. Mediation armed me with the advantage of having released years of stress and the confidence that peace can be found inside of me, whenever and wherever I am.

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